Have you ever had those times where you actively chose to do the right thing in terms of recovery, just to feel worse than you did if you had made the chose to follow Ed?

I have. And I still do. 

It's a hard thing to explain, but it's kind of simple at the same time. You're feeling guilty doing the right thing because you are disobeying someone else, who you've trusted for a long time. 

Ed makes you feel this way. He wants us to feel guilty while we are heading down the better path because he doesn't want us to leave him. 

It's kind of like when you're a teenager and start to disobey your parents. You feel guilty doing so but at the same time you feel guilty by not doing so. 

For me, an example of this might be deciding what to eat. I open the fridge to grab lunch and there's a clear "ED" option of salad and vegetables or there's a "recovery" option of a turkey sandwich with cheese and fruit. My ED brain automatically starts talking, telling me that if I pick the sandwich, I will gain weight and feel guilty afterwards. However, my recovery thoughts tell me that caving into ED's demands will only hurt me more, so I grab the sandwich and begin eating lunch. 

After I'm done, I feel guilty that I chose the sandwich because I disobeyed ED. But if I had chosen the salad I would have felt guilty because I disobeyed the "right" choice. 

So either way, you might end up feeling guilty, but it's which kind of guilt you want to feel. Believe it or not there is a guilt that allows you to heal. 

The only way to deal with the guilt you feel when disobeying ED is to realize that ED is no longer a friend, but an enemy. Pretend ED has done something terrible to you (in truth he has because he is making you sick) and you want to get back at him by not listening to his commands. 

He tells you to go for a run, don't do it. He tells you to eat only the fruit on the plate, eat the bread too. 

At first these actions will feel horrible. You will want to cave in and listen to ED again, but remember, ED has hurt you. He no longer deserves your attention and obedience. 

After a little while, as you begin to realize that you are more important than ED, the guilty feelings will diminish and you will be able to make the right choices every time without the added guilt. 

Like everything in recovery, this is not easy and it won't happen over night, but with practice and determination, it will happen and you will be able to disobey ED without guilt. 

Just remember, who would you rather disobey, ED or your heart, your soul, your little child within you? 


Share your thoughts with me about this? Have you ever experienced these types of feelings?

xoxo

Tayla

Last night I couldn't sleep, but I did come up with a post idea finally. Actually I have a TON of ideas but I just can't seem to get my hands to write!

So anyways, my post today is about triggers in recovery and even daily life, and how you can make choices to block them out or keep them at bay. 

One of the toughest things for me during recovery was seeing other people's bodies because I would go into an automatic mode of comparing myself to them and most of the time it ended with me feeling horrible and not good enough. 

This trigger came from everywhere because obviously people are everywhere, but it didn't just have to be people walking around, it was magazine photos, models on clothing websites, pinterest photos, pictures on fitness websites, etc. 

It seemed that everywhere I turned there was an image of an unrealistic women that made me want to retract into my old habits in order to make myself feel better. 

But as time went on and I started learning more about myself and what my needs were, I determined ways and strategies that could help me avoid these triggers. 

These tips can apply to all triggers or things that are not helping you progress in recovery or your life. Avoiding things typically is not the way to go, but in this case, avoidance comes in handy and can really make a difference in the way you feel about yourself and your recovery. 

1. Block people who trigger you on facebook, twitter, tumblr, etc. 

2. Get rid of fashion magazines, and stop buying any magazine advertising women's bodies in an unrealistic way. 

3. Check out at an isle in the grocery store that does not have these types of magazines. 

4. Unfollow triggering boards or people on pinterst. 

5. Stop looking back on photos of yourself when you were sick or unhealthy..this won't help you get to where you want to be. 

6. Surround yourself with positive body image reminders and role models. Surround yourself with inspiring quotes and sayings that celebrate who you are as a person rather than as a body. 

7. And be realistic and use common sense. If someone in a movie or magazine looks like they might be unhealthy or unreal, then it's probably true. You never know what actresses have to go through to be on tv and photos in magazines get airbrushed all the time. In other words, DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE. 


All in all, triggering things, places, or people can be hard to avoid, but it's necessary and very helpful to try your best to distance yourself from them for at least a little while, until you are ready to face them again. 


Progressing in recovery means letting go of the things of the past and embracing a new image of yourself, but you cannot do this unless you give up these old triggers and ways of looking at the world. 




What are your triggers and experiences with handling them, etc?


xoxo


Tayla