Because I've struggled with anorexia and have certain OCD patterns concerning exercise, I tend to get comments from people asking me why I continue to push myself and workout every day.
"Isn't that just making things worse?"
Just because I am physically active doesn't mean my main focus is burning calories, because to be honest that is the last thing on my mind.
It's true that that's how my mind used to be wired, "how many calories am I going to burn today by walking this far and for this long?" "exercise isn't worth it unless I burn a certain amount of calories.". But today, that way of thinking has been transformed into a whole new perspective.
Today, while working out I think about the strength I feel and how my body is moving. I think about how to do my best on each exercise and how I can push myself to be better, stronger. I no longer glue myself to the bike or treadmill until I have reached a certain calorie goal, but rather I stick to the weight room and work my ass off pulling heavy weight around.
Exercise for me has always been a form of stress release. Walking was my way to get outside and forget about the world. I would use it as a therapy for my thoughts, talking to myself as if I were counseling myself and having conversations that would help me find understanding. It was a sort of meditation for me, an important part of my healing.
Relapsing a year ago was when this mindset changed. I began using walking for calorie burning and it wasn't until my Mom began an argument about this, that I realized I needed to form a different approach. I needed to enjoy exercise for the pure joy it once had given me. This is when I found weight training.
Lifting weights in my room for an hour five days a week was my savor, but at first the people around me just assumed I had slipped into another form of excessive exercise. Although, as I began to understand how weight training worked, I began cutting out my walks altogether and I found myself less obsessed about if I was going to get my workout in or not.
Because your body needs more calories to build muscle to be able to lift weights, I learned how to nourish myself again. It was like learning how to walk for the first time after forgetting for a while. I had to start slow, and work my way up. And at first it was down right hard and at times, painful, but I knew deep inside that I needed this fuel to get stronger.
This is where my focus shifted completely. Up to this point my want was to be skinny, thin, weak and now all of a sudden I wanted to be strong, have muscles, and look like the women truly I was.
As I began to get more comfortable with the weights I progressed to the gym and found a new home instantly. Even though it was full of big bulky men, I was able to stay calm and confident by just doing my own thing.
This is why I talk so highly about weight training, because it gave me a new found confidence I never knew I had. When I walked into the gym, something turned on inside that said, "I'm here to get strong and I could care less about what other people are gonna think about me."
There was no way I could have said those words before. Lifting weights gave me something to be proud of, whereas before I hated everything I did. I was growing stronger and for once, I was loving every second of it.
Working out is important to me because, just like walking, it has become my meditation. A new form of therapy, one where I build confidence and self love in the process.
I have never been more happy with my self, my body, my soul than I have been in the past year and I know it's because I found the weights. And I know it's not for everyone, as each person has something different that gives them that feeling of pure joy, but I know that if I can change, others can too and that gives me hope that I can help others see a way out.
Be it yoga, art, music, weight training, or something else, everyone deserves that one thing that makes them happy, proud, especially if you suffer from an eating disorder or self doubt, because when find yourself so deep in your low, knowing there is something that can pull you out will make all the difference.
Don't give up because there will come a day when you find what you need. And maybe it's already inside of you, you just have to listen.
{If you enjoyed this post, please share it with people you love and make a difference!}
xoxo
TaylaAnne
"Isn't that just making things worse?"
Just because I am physically active doesn't mean my main focus is burning calories, because to be honest that is the last thing on my mind.
It's true that that's how my mind used to be wired, "how many calories am I going to burn today by walking this far and for this long?" "exercise isn't worth it unless I burn a certain amount of calories.". But today, that way of thinking has been transformed into a whole new perspective.
Today, while working out I think about the strength I feel and how my body is moving. I think about how to do my best on each exercise and how I can push myself to be better, stronger. I no longer glue myself to the bike or treadmill until I have reached a certain calorie goal, but rather I stick to the weight room and work my ass off pulling heavy weight around.
Exercise for me has always been a form of stress release. Walking was my way to get outside and forget about the world. I would use it as a therapy for my thoughts, talking to myself as if I were counseling myself and having conversations that would help me find understanding. It was a sort of meditation for me, an important part of my healing.
Relapsing a year ago was when this mindset changed. I began using walking for calorie burning and it wasn't until my Mom began an argument about this, that I realized I needed to form a different approach. I needed to enjoy exercise for the pure joy it once had given me. This is when I found weight training.
Lifting weights in my room for an hour five days a week was my savor, but at first the people around me just assumed I had slipped into another form of excessive exercise. Although, as I began to understand how weight training worked, I began cutting out my walks altogether and I found myself less obsessed about if I was going to get my workout in or not.
Because your body needs more calories to build muscle to be able to lift weights, I learned how to nourish myself again. It was like learning how to walk for the first time after forgetting for a while. I had to start slow, and work my way up. And at first it was down right hard and at times, painful, but I knew deep inside that I needed this fuel to get stronger.
This is where my focus shifted completely. Up to this point my want was to be skinny, thin, weak and now all of a sudden I wanted to be strong, have muscles, and look like the women truly I was.
As I began to get more comfortable with the weights I progressed to the gym and found a new home instantly. Even though it was full of big bulky men, I was able to stay calm and confident by just doing my own thing.
This is why I talk so highly about weight training, because it gave me a new found confidence I never knew I had. When I walked into the gym, something turned on inside that said, "I'm here to get strong and I could care less about what other people are gonna think about me."
There was no way I could have said those words before. Lifting weights gave me something to be proud of, whereas before I hated everything I did. I was growing stronger and for once, I was loving every second of it.
Working out is important to me because, just like walking, it has become my meditation. A new form of therapy, one where I build confidence and self love in the process.
I have never been more happy with my self, my body, my soul than I have been in the past year and I know it's because I found the weights. And I know it's not for everyone, as each person has something different that gives them that feeling of pure joy, but I know that if I can change, others can too and that gives me hope that I can help others see a way out.
Be it yoga, art, music, weight training, or something else, everyone deserves that one thing that makes them happy, proud, especially if you suffer from an eating disorder or self doubt, because when find yourself so deep in your low, knowing there is something that can pull you out will make all the difference.
Don't give up because there will come a day when you find what you need. And maybe it's already inside of you, you just have to listen.
{If you enjoyed this post, please share it with people you love and make a difference!}
xoxo
TaylaAnne
RSS Feed
