I went for a consultation last week and it went well enough to make another appointment, which I had today. And besides the fact that I cried in both session, I see progress.
Today, more than the first visit, but nonetheless.
Today she pointed out that maybe the reason why I don't like to talk to other people is because I don't think anyone cares what I have to say or that I'm not important enough. This is completely true, it's just weird to hear someone else say it out loud.
When someone tries to talk to me or ask me a question, I either give one-word answers or talk really fast, as if to save them the trouble of having to hear my voice for more than what's necessary.
In the past, I've had people cut me off while trying to explain something, so I took that to mean that what I had to say was stupid, irrelevant, and an annoyance to listen to. Harsh I know.
But it's my own doing. Nobody has actually said anything to me about how much I am these things, it's just something I tell myself.
I guess it's just the overall problem of not seeing myself as good enough, important enough, etc., etc. I don't think people care about what I have to say, because I continually receive that message over and over from people I talk to.
It doesn't help that I'm highly over-sensitive either. I preconceive others as always being uninterested, bored with me, and that they just don't care.
I don't know. She asked me out of the blue in the middle of the session, 'what's the biggest thing you wish you could change about yourself?', and I answered, 'everything'. Because, seriously there are too many things to name that I wish I could change. I wish I just wasn't me. Does that give you some idea?
I'm not sure how the counselor thing will turn out but for now it's okay. She seems nice and makes the session comfortable. Oh, and I can text her any time I want! Which is a bonus.
Have you had any breakthroughs in your sessions lately? Any realizations? Tell me more:)