I know you are struggling and sometimes everything just feels pointless and you want to give up. I know there are days when you would rather do anything other than fight.
There are days when waking up in the morning is the last thing you want to do, and there are nights that you find yourself crying until you fall asleep.
I've been there. I know what it's like to feel worthless, unloved, ugly, fat, and like you're taking up too much space. I know what it's like to be so sick of being sick and wishing everything would just go away.
I've been there and I've broken free from that place and I can honestly tell you that there is a light at the end of your tunnel.
Even if you cannot see it now, the darkness ends, and the sun will shine again.
But in order to get to this place, there is still work to be done. And YOU are the one who has to do it. No one else can make you better, YOU are the only one who can save yourself.
Find your reason.
First you must want to get better for YOU. Yes, there are times when recovering for your family or partner are helpful, but in the end, the most important person you must recover for is yourself. If you do not have a reason for YOU, then you'll never be entirely free.
There's a time for talk and there's a time for doing.
Talking about recovering is great and it is a huge part of the process, but the only way you are going to truly recover is by doing. You can talk and talk and talk all you want about what you are going to do and what you want to accomplish, but if you are not willing to take action, nothing is going to happen.
I spent a long time babbling about the importance of recovering and why I wanted and needed to get better, but when push came to shove, I didn't have the courage to walk the walk.
How are you going to take those steps forward without just talking about them? How are you going to take action?
In order to move forward in recovery you are going to come across a lot of painful memories and feelings, but it is forgiveness that will allow you to heal. There will be times when you must forgive another and there will be even more times when you will need to forgive yourself.
Self forgiveness is the most important kind of forgiveness and mastering it is the key to pushing onward.
Nothing you have done in the past is too far gone for your own forgiveness.
Be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
You know already that during the recovery process there are going to be many days when you feel uncomfortable in your own skin, and you will want to give up. You will want to call it quits and go back to ED.
But you can't. You will not because you are stronger than that. You must learn how to stick it out and push through those feelings of un-comfortableness. It is in those moments that you heal little by little.
You're feelings will change just like the waves come in and out, so will your feelings. Good ones will come and bad ones will come, but in order to receive more of the good ones, you must be willing to accept and sit with the bad.
Hope that you will get there. Hope in yourself. Hope in society. Hope that one day you can say you've survived.
Having hope is crucial to making it all the way to the end. Recovery comes to those you believe in it. You must believe it's possible to be free.
And not just for other people, but for YOU.
Peace is coming.
You are not far from your light. You will make it.
When you are having a bad day, please be gentle with yourself and remember that another day is right around the corner.
And whatever you do, do NOT give up now, you've come too far to turn back.
You have the power, you have the strength.
Recovery is possible for YOU.