However, I never took anything during even the deepest depths of my anorexia for a couple different reasons, some made sense and some didn't.
I had counselor after counselor recommend to take something to help me coupe with my issues, coupe with my anxiety, etc. But each time I refused.
The main reason for this was because neither my Mom or I thought that medication was the cure-all answer. We believed that there were other alternatives that could help besides drugs.
But my 'behind-the-scenes' reasons was my belief that I would gain weight.
Sad I know.
There were a couple times I truly wanted to take something. I needed help and I had tried everything, but moving towards taking medication was scary for me because all of the things I had read about them said that there was a possibility of gaining weight.
At the time, this was obviously my biggest concern. Yes, I wanted to feel better and more free, but not at the risk of gaining weight. It was a lose-lose situation.
So I continued on without taking anything, until recently.
My fear of gaining weight still rattles in my brain even though I say that I am recovered. But who said being recovered was perfect?
So yes the thought of taking medication still meant, to me, that I was going to gain weight, but the difference this time when I thought about it, was that I was willing to take the risk.
I cared more about the way I felt inside than the way I looked outside.
If I gained weight in the process of making myself feel better and happier, than it was worth it.
It's been about three months since I started taking Zoloft for my social anxiety and I'm happier than ever. I have my spark back and am able to stay calm in times of stress, especially involving a lot of people.
I know I have't really talked much about my anxiety on the blog before, but I guess I didn't feel ready until I was more in control of it. And now that I am, I am happy to share my experience.
But that's for another post!
In terms of medication, I turned it down again and again based off my irrational fear that I would gain weight and missed out on what I could have had: peace and happiness.
I know sometimes medication is not the answer for all our problems. Believe me, I am the first to say and try anything besides drugs to treat something inside of me. But when you've tried everything there is and nothing seems to work, medication might be a good thing to try.
For me, it was a positive experience. I gained freedom from my anxiety. It no longer has its hold on me. I can go to family get together's and not feel like I want to run away and hide. I can walk out in public without the thought that everyone is staring at me, and I can be myself without any limitations.
It has been so long since I could say that. Breaking free from the eating disorder was one thing. I gained freedom in a different way. Breaking free from my anxiety allowed me to finally be who I really am, no matter what.
What is your experience with medication during treatment? Eating disorder or anxiety or depression, etc?
Did you find it to work for you, or not so much?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this as it seems to be new for me!