Because I was craving ice cream!!
I didn't think about it too much. I didn't have a conversation with ED. I didn't go back and forth on weather to get it or not.
No, I just decided I wanted it.
A year ago, this would have never happened. Not even close. A year ago, I would have never even walked into a Dairy Queen, let alone order a blizzard. A year ago, my worry would be about how many calories and grams of sugar were in one of them. A year ago, I would have compromised some fun for some false control.
A year ago, I wasn't living.
Being able to do this sort of thing is something I am very proud of because the fear I once had about how much weight I would gain would outweigh the pleasure of just being able to eat something like this.
Because I was able to want an ice cream and actually get one is something that comes with true recovery. It is when you can decide for yourself what you want, that you become truly free.
And there was absolutely no guilt after eating either! I was with Ben and out of curiosity I looked up the nutrition facts for the large reece's pieces blizzard and wasn't freaking out. 800 calories and no guilt?
The number actually didn't even phase me and I rather nonchalantly joked to Ben about how much I had just ate. Then we both smiled and went about the day.
I ate a good dinner that night and the next day I didn't over compensate or try to make-up what I ate the day before. Instead, I let the past go and enjoyed the present.
I think doing something brave like this is essential to any recovery, even if you only do it once a month or something. Being able to challenge yourself and push yourself through your fears is the only way you are going to change and get better.
Plus, ice cream is delicious and I will never pass it up again!
I dare you to try a fear food next time you go out!
What would you get? What food or activity would scare you?